From the Beginning (again)

Welcome to my blog! I’m new here, too…this whole tech thing is so over my head! However, if I can roll with the punches of cancer, surely, I can figure out how to do this whole thing, right!?

My name is Keegan. In summary, I’m a wife, mother, sister, aunt, Christian, interior designer, vocalist, neat freak, fitness coach, wellness enthusiast, extrovert...and I was diagnosed with HR (hormone receptor) positive/HER2 negative Breast Cancer on April 22, 2024 at 37 years old. I’ve decided to bring my story to this platform hoping that it is helpful, encouraging, uplifting, and informative. Cancer does not discriminate and it is all so overwhelming. If you’re here because you’ve been recently diagnosed as well or you’re just along for the ride, please know that everyone has a different story. Here’s mine…

One of the most common questions I get is, “How did you find it?” I’ll be the first to admit that I NEVER did routine checks on my 32A tatas outside of my annual visit to the OB/GYN. I mean, surely breast cancer is more likely to happen in people who actually have boobs, right? Even with a family history (maternal grandmother and paternal aunt), none of my practitioners had ever talked about my risk factors. I was completely naive to it all until I became the "1 in 8." Fortunately, I was pretty in-tune with my breasties during this time of my life because I had been breastfeeding our son for the previous 7 months…but I’ll circle back to the “how” in a second…

For some more background context, my husband Ryan and I have been together since 2012, married since 2018, and in 2020 we discovered that he had colon cancer. It shattered me. I found myself curled up in a ball of emotions multiple times after we received the news. How could cancer be in our lives as healthy, young people!? We were workout fanatics, ate well, used products free of toxins, and were the pharmaceutical world’s least favorite humans. But he had cancer at 37!? Seems to be a magical age for us. I couldn’t stop the invasive thoughts about how it would all impact our future, especially because we were trying to start a family at this time. We found a surgeon out of town and scheduled his surgery for December 31st, 2020. It was a unique way to ring in the New Year! After his surgery to remove 15” of his colon and 59 lymph nodes (better safe than sorry), he was officially free and clear of cancer! In true Ryan fashion, he was checked out of the hospital within a record breaking 48 hours of surgery, and by the grace of God, that was the extent of his treatment. The emotional turmoil that came with the initial unknowns surrounding his cancer diagnosis was worse than the treatment for me, although his perspective might be a little different. Regardless, we made it to the other side of cancer…just to experience it all AGAIN.

…back to the How: After giving it my best for 7 months, I decided to start weaning our son from breastfeeding and discovered the painless lump on my left side…it gave small grape vibes if I were to describe it. Two months later, I decided to go see my OB/GYN. I had been convinced the lump would dissipate with the dry up and figured it was just taking longer than usual because that was how my entire breastfeeding journey had felt…long, stressful & difficult. We needed to supplement with formula all along as my left side was ridiculously lame and always maxed out at 2oz. I never truly felt accomplished in this arena, and I was slightly relieved that I was making the decision to be done.

Park it here for a minute: Mamas, I see you. It’s okay if your plan doesn’t work! If you have a great alternative that will decrease stress/cortisol levels, adopt them yesterday! I was a mess for our son’s first 7 months of life...actually, make that 9 months when he finally started sleeping more than a few hours at a time…and along came cancer. I had an expectation of what motherhood would look like, and I found myself struggling to accept that my reality was the exact opposite of what I had anticipated. First time parenting might win on the difficulty scale for me-even when compared to cancer! While I’m not trying to create undue panic, the effects of stress and trauma on the mind & body should not be overlooked in any life-changing circumstance. It certainly does not facilitate wellness and healing when in a constant state of fight or flight. Our bodies all show us these signs in different ways, and I think we should put more emphasis on slowing down, listening to it, and seeking help as necessary.

Upon my exam at my OB/GYN it was recommended that I get the lump checked out further. I then found myself going through the motions at the breast imaging center, where everyone first suspected a lactating adenoma. My mammogram led to an ultrasound due to super dense tissue and within 24 hours of the ultrasound, I was back for a biopsy. Lucky me, the initial, and slightly incomplete, pathology reports posted on a Friday, and I was stuck with Dr. Google.com until Monday. The sad part is I didn’t even get a call on Monday (more on this later).

There is no way to prepare for a situation like this. It's really hard to put into words the all-encompassing thoughts and emotions that come with receiving a scary diagnosis. Maybe a little panic, maybe a lot of panic! These emotions are ours. We own them and can handle them how we see fit. I typically push through difficult situations with a strong-willed attitude. I call it, “oldest child syndrome.” My husband calls it “stubbornness.” In 2022, I miscarried our first pregnancy, but still made it through an entire workday, even though I was bleeding and battling pain at a scale of 9/10. It never dawned on me how nuts that really was until more recently! I do believe that some of my people-pleasing tendencies can be an unnecessary stressor that I need to work on. Anyhow, when the results posted, I was at work, in a meeting, living my best designer life. Of course, I read the results right then and there, removed myself from the table, and lost control of my typical coping abilities, which led to a slight panic attack in my coworker’s office. I sent a screenshot of the results to Ryan & a few family members and left work with zero direction. In my state of shock, I drove to my gym, IROCK Fitness Erie…taking a HIIT workout class seemed fitting? After the class, I openly confided in a few other members in the lobby about my news. IROCKers are a special breed of gym people that I’m forever grateful for. I’ll never forget their surprised looks, followed by immediate encouragement and support. In our conversation, I specifically remember saying, "I'm here. I showed up."

Although I didn't know the significance of that statement at the time...the conversation with my gym family led me to the realization that what I said would become a big part of my motivation. I found myself saying it often...in our new parenting journey, at work, social events, the gym...I was inherently driven to keep showing up, no matter what my future cancer journey would look like.